i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
