she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
