and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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