Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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