let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
