imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
