PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
