I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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