Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
