Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
