Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize