"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
