so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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