If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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