actually, I'm a sock model
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
