I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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