I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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