I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
