uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
