he wants to bone in the snuggie
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was CRYING into my vagina
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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