and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
