Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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