So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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