Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
