He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
