I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
