Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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