I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
