we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
