ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
