Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
