I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
