she looked like the before picture.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
