i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
