So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
