It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
