I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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