Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
