If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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