You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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