Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
