apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
