i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
