One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
