Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
