Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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