i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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