It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
