Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
