No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
