I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
