Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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