We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just gargled with NyQuil
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
