All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
