I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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