Porn is love you can see.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
