HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize