the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
