I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
