he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
