I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
wow bdsm is so cute
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
