so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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