so that wasnt chicken after all
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
