i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just tell him i said nine months
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
