can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
