I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
