I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
