I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
