I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Two words: blizzard sex
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
