Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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