Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
