I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
do nipples grow back?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
