I forgot how hot balto sounded
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
