you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
