I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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