I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
